biking chad’s Neighborhood

You know, americans have this reputation of being obnoxious and I've really never given this a second thought.
It just occurred to me that pretty much every american that I've met has been a super nice person. Most europeans on the other hand.....what a bunch of turds.
Europeans piss me off with their superior attitude.

Wow, I found a Dexter theme.Tracy and I just finished watching season 3 just the other day. Dexter is one of, if not the, best show ever.

Sometimes I want to write so bad it makes me cry but I can’t get it out so it just sits there and rots.

Sometimes I think that the acids in my life just corrode the hell out of the wires that hold my thoughts up and then they just become skeletons instead of scaffolding.

Sometimes I think writing publicly is the most pretentious thing you could ever do…but then again, it’s kinda like talking to the mirror but you know that at least someone out there might be able to relate and be comforted by it. Or maybe they will just get annoyed when they try and google something and one of your blogs happens to have something to do with what they are looking for and they just get annoyed because all the search comes up with is your lameass opinion and a random Wiki article. 

I just got off the phone with Godaddy support.

I was trying to register a domain name or three and found out that my account was locked because I tried to log in too many times with the wrong password. You'd think that with Roboform, I could manage to enter my username and password each time without fail. I am truly a tard.

After a 3-5 minute wait, a fellow that was just a tish more energetic than he should have been answers my call, unlocks my account, sells me a membership for $89 to some club that will save me $3 per domain. I have a lot of domain names so this is a good thing.

Then he registers all my upcoming renewals for me.

I used to use Registerfly, where no one answered the phone and if they did, they couldn't/wouldn't help you. Their system constantly screwed up and on occasion was so bad that I had domain names expire because I couldn't renew them.

I love to bitch, but Go Daddy seems to have found a formula that works. They give me great service and I give them money.

I was reading an article about this group of people who deem themselves activists for the Freedom From Religion Foundation.  They seem to be running their campaign on an undefined word. What do they mean by religion? Do they mean the structural, institutionalized religion that has been grotesquely mutated by the modern day church? If so, go right ahead. Jesus was and always will be the most anti-religious person there ever was. Nowhere did he call for the hundreds of random, man made traditions and holidays, never did he call for any of the wars or atrocities that are and have been committed in the name of religion. These are things we all should stand against, theists or non theists. They say religions kills - man kills. They say religion is racist (that was the ever clever Mr. Dawkins) - man is racist. They hate religion because of things man does-, which is funny because man (themselves) is who they actually worship, so it's like they are hating who they hold in the highest esteem. It's funny that such applauded people, people who deem themselves as brighter than the rest, are so contradictory and ignorant.

 What I am deeply bothered by, and fear, is  when people see 'freedom from religion' they think of these things and think thats what believing in god calls for. Would they ever think that god would certainly want us to have freedom from religion and have security in a relationship with Him instead? Probably not. For someone who is barely even interested in getting to know christ, things like this just push them even farther away, because it takes a bit more work than most people are willing to do to actually uncover the truth. It's very easy to listen to someone that has a Ph.D telling you that believing in God is unscientific and that there is no proof for it, and that we are all just sheep believing in a giant spaghetti monster. Immediately people take all the bad things they know about religion, all the crappy sunday school they were forced to go to, or the bumper sticker christians they know and  form an opinion thats hard to get away from. It is a lot harder to actually challenge it and research how much proof there actually is and how hollow and pointless that argument is.  I fear people think that being a christian and having Faith or even believing in God somehow condones the pedophilic priests, the killings in the name of god, the crusades, the elitism, the banning from societies that church and religion has often been tied too. This freedom from religion group pompously struts around, asserting that christians all believe blindly and unscientifically, which is laughable, especially if you've ever debated or listened to a christian / athiest debate. They make a point to prey on human pride that drives us to reject conformity, they are full of charming sarcasm and wit and they are like the cool kid at the party - they exude confidence and intelligence, but inside they are just scared little boys (and girls) who desperately do not want anyone to find out that they can't look themselves in the eyes in the mirror.

 I am struggling with righteous anger over how those of us who believe in god are being defamed, I wish I could truly let god do his work here instead of getting so angry about it. God calls us to love one another (which I am clearly having a hard time doing with this) and thats what believing in him and Jesus Christ allows us to do. There is nothing wrong, or weak in believing in a higher power, something that is outside of us- we as humans (each and every single one of us) are physically and emotionally made to take what is outside of us and bring it within, in order for us to live. We intake food, air and relationships and education, all to live. There are no self-sustained people. There should be no shame for is to invite God/ Jesus into our lives in order for us to Live. There should only be shame in running around the country spreading lies and untruths which have been rebutted time and again to no avail and ignoring anything that says anything contradictory to that which gives you a feeling of power, warranted or not. People like that only make themselves look ridiculous, ignorant and vulnerable and one day they'll realize that, hopefully it won't be too late.

Have you figured out what your (or your kids') Halloween costume will be this year?  What's it going to be?

I'm not dressing up this year, but my costume for the last few years was kinda cool. I'd don a silk plum coloured spaghetti strap slip dress that went down to my ankles, the borders were black velvet and it's pretty gothic looking,  and then I wore fishnet stockings up my arms, stiletto's, and I'd intertwine leaves and sticks in my hair, slap on alot of dark makeup and carry around a pomegranate. Who was I? I think only a few people ever really guessed, and I unfortunately don't have the pictures anymore (thats the thing with non-hard copy pictures, they always get lost somehow), but I was Persephone, goddess of the underworld, mother natures daughter.

If I ever do go out again (which I'm not sure about, because since I've become Christian it seems rather hypocritical, even though it's all in fun), I will probably find another slip-type dress in a champagne colour and wear big clear coloured beads and swarovski crystal type things around my neck, then make a big paper mache olive (ambitious) and put it in my hair and be a martini.

Why is Free Will a gift from God? Seems to me it's often more of a curse. He knows we'll more often than not choose what goes against His nature, inviting evil into our lives. Is it to save us from becoming robots? Without it we would not have creativity, love, inspiration, curiosity. What a double edged sword that one is, although the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that He gave it to us as a gift of love. I mean, you could give someone a beautiful home baked cake and a bouquet of fresh hand-tied roses, a beautiful gift with good intentions, but we could eat too much cake and get sick and cut our fingers on the thorns. It seems that no matter what God gives us we manage to mess it up somehow. Honestly, I think of us humans as perpetual puppy dogs, always soiling the carpet but being loved for it anyways.

Another thing I've been wondering about Free Will, what are the limits of God being able to control that. I know He could do anything if he wanted, like stop all the bad stuff that's going on, but the Christian explaination is that He won't step on our Free Wills - like the genocides that are going on, thats the choice of those leaders in that country, or the abuse of children, that's the choice of those parents, etc.But how much control do we have over our own Free Will's? Like, if it were up to me and how I wanted things back when I was 20, I would be married to my first real boyfriend. That was my will. But it wasn't God's obviously, so he was stepping on my Free Will wasn't he? How come he steps in sometimes and sometimes He doesnt? And what about things like, praying for others. I have been feverently praying for M to quit smoking, because among other reasons there is a high cancer rate in his family and it's just getting ridiculous. But he's not stopping, and I was thinking thats because thats his free will to do so. But why isn't God stepping in there? Does M have to be aware of the need to change before God does anything about it? What's the point in praying for anyone at all, ever, if it isn't in their own hearts to change and God can't step over that line?  

And then there is the forgiveness thing- I repeatedly ask for forgivness for the fact that I can't seem to shut my mouth when people are gossiping about others, or when I have a slanderous opinion to spout, and although He does forgive me, sometimes I wonder what the point of me asking for forgiveness is for in the first place because I'm just going to go ahead and do it five minutes later. I mean forgiveness has to be geniunely felt to be heard right, how can you geniunely feel something you are fully aware that you will do anyways. Like how can you ask for forgiveness for lust over someone who is not your partner, when you know full well that there will probably be other times in your life where you will lust again over someone else? It's almost like we should save them up and then ask for one big forgiveness or something, because doesn't God just get so frusterated with the redundancy?

I'm slowly learning why I need to be forgiven in the first place, slowly becoming more humble and realizing that as an imperfect person I can't expect to live out eternity in a perfect place, it'd be like a fly in a glass champagne. I guess I'm just wondering about the futility of it all.

I'm wondering what everyones take on these things are, I know there are no solid answers.